When will we be free of our chains?
by Helunai
Summary: To our school, to our school. We'll show the world what we can do. To our school, to our school. Forever shining through. Ballarat Clarendon College is full of some strange things. Even jet fuel can't melt it.


**Chapter 1 of this hellish nightmare:**

Mr ShEpord was a sheep. Actually, the whole school was run by animals. Well, animals and food. How does food run a school you ask? You would understand if you've ever eaten good chicken nugs. Damn, good nugs are what I live for.

Anyway, Mr ShEpord was galloping down the hallway, past the lecture theatre, when he was startled by a student with an untucked shirt. He almost died of a heart attack. "How in the good Lord's name can this horrible student shame us so?" asked the sheep. He looked up to the heavens and prayed to Harambe. "Please Lord, give me the strength to carry on."

Just at that moment, another teacher rolled up to Mr ShEpord. She rolled, because she was in fact a Cornetto ice cream cone. The Cornetto tried to speak to Mr ShEpord about how unreasonable he was being. "That student doesn't know any better. All any teenager does nowadays is waste their life away looking at fresh memes. I doubt he even knows how to tie a tie." At that, Ms Cornetto melted like steel beams.

Back in the science centre, Xx_Ms_KenScoper_420_xX was trying to act kawaii. She was teaching her students a new song - Hotline Bling **Japanese Version** by Drake-kun. Drake-kun was her ultimate waifu, and any chance she got she taught the kids a new song by him.

Just at that moment, a bee stung Xx_Ms_KenScoper_420_xX in the eye. This wasn't just any bee - it was Barry the bee. Barry had mistaken Xx_Ms_KenScoper_420_xX for Vanessa and had stung her by accident. Unfortunately, that led him to die a fatal death. At his funeral, the real mvp, Mr Ashmormon, read Barry's obituary: "According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow!"

12:45 pm. Team fortress 2 was played by all the real men. Their laptops congregated in the middle school centre as they aggressively hit the keys frantically trying to beat the enemy team. Icabod did a 360 no-scope with his zesty hacked mods. He was MLG. As he killed the last enemy scout, he chanted his personal mantra: "Shrek is love, Shrek is-"

But he never got to finish that sentence, because at that moment he was shot by Jason Bourne.

Bourne has 6 letters. 6 times 3 is 666. Satan is the devil. A triangle symbolises Satan. Illuminati confirmed.

1:25 pm.

"Damn Daniel! Back at it again with the white vans!" shouted Mr Holyway, as his Christian Holy Cross dangled from his neck. He prayed every chance he got to God. He was devoted to Him. He even prayed during chemistry. H2O and CO2 contained oxygen, but Mr Holyway didn't need oxygen to breathe. He only needed the air God gave him through his daily prayers.

He walked to the school's famous chapel as he did every day, and found Mr Floatmn doing something quite peculiar. He was in his full Navy get up and was attempting to climb the wall of the chapel. Mr Holyway was shocked to say the least. Running over to where Mr Floatmn was, he yelled, "what in God's name do you think you're doing, sir?"

The cat only replied with a meow. Mr Floatmn then proceeded to perch himself on the top of the chapel and began serenading the school with his wailing meows. Nobody but him knew their meaning - he was actually singing the Australian anthem he had sung with his comrades in the Navy before a battle. Reminiscent of his youth, Mr Floatmn then stood up on his back paws with one front paw raised in a salute. _I will always give my life to you, Australia._

And that is why BCC was the best school in all of Victoria. It was because they valued nationalism among all else. The Australian government didn't normally grant private schools money, but when they realised to what lengths the school went to get the students to sing the Australian anthem and promote their vision of the Australian identity they just had to give BCC a one million dollar meme page on Facebook. It was titled: "BCC memes for anxious teens"

Unfortunately, the heads of the Senior School soon found it and forced the students to take it down, because at this school we do not promote negative behaviours.


End file.
